Life's better
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Posted:Aug 9, 2012 9:33 am
Last Updated:Oct 14, 2012 6:35 pm
26247 Views
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based on my last blog post, i was going through a rather emo phase. but i'm feeling better now. my life now is basically tuitions + my fuddy. the tuitions are to save for the europe trip with the fuddy in december. we confirmed our trip route already!
went to batam with the fuddy last week on an online deal package. had a good time in a fabulous hotel all at the price of $65. worth it! had a good time in bed too and took advantage of the nice tub that we were 15min late for check out. haha
and last night, i received a surprising invitation from the fuddy. he asked me to sleep overnight at his house. i met him at midnight to watch the bourne legacy (which isnt that great btw). then we reached his house at 3am where we played ps3. he shares a room with his brother who wasnt at his hostel last night but at home. so we couldnt do much in bed. i did give him a hj and he came on the bed. haha.
in the morning his mum walked past the room and did a double take back to the room. i promptly said hi. she must have been shocked,along with his whole family, to see me there as i dont think my fuddy has brought anyone home to stay overnight in his bed. we played more ps3 and cardgames and i left at 3pm.
for sure i will be going back for another overnight stay when his bro is not at home for the night. haha i guess he has a fantasy of having sex at home and in his bed.
his mum did ask whether i was his gf that night but he said noooo, she is just a friend.
as u know, i do like him and wondered to myself whether it would be so bad to be in a relationship with me. but no matter what, i dont want to disturb the status quo we have now. i am really happy with him. we chat everyday, we meet once or twice a week to go out and not necessarily for sex.
my only worry is what if he isnt in my life anymore cos he finds someone else.
but ah well, for now, he is my source of happiness.
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What is the point of Life?
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Posted:Jul 18, 2012 9:05 am
Last Updated:Jun 5, 2013 7:00 am
26132 Views
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Dont worry I wont commit suicide but I really dont see a point in living anymore...
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Trying to Lose Weight
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Posted:Jul 5, 2012 9:16 am
Last Updated:Jul 8, 2012 11:59 pm
26136 Views
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Since coming back from USA, i had actually lost 5kg. thankfully didnt put on any weight there. probably cos i hated the food there and i did a hell a lot of walking.
so coming back i thought i better ride on the weight loss, so i have been trying to exercise at least one hour a day. usually just walking though.
i used to be a competitive volleyball player for 6 years. and we trained like 4-6 times a week. but since i stopped volleyball, my weight ballooned like crazy. and its not cos i eat alot. i really dont eat alot. i rarely finish my food. but for some reason, i was fat and no matter what exercise i did, i was never able to lose weight. the doctor attributed it to thyroidism - some gland thing that i'm not producing enough. so after awhile, you just feel fed up and give up.
recently a mentor of mine introduced me to this thing called "the right approach". never tried any of those diet plans before so i though why not give it a try. no harm except the loss of $2000. haha. no one knows i'm doing it though. decided not to tell my family or friends or my fuddy.
basically, i take 6 capsules before breakfast and 2 tablets after breakfast. for lunch, i take 3 capsules before, then drink a shake that replaces my lunch, then take 6 capsules. for dinner, i take 6 capsules before and 2 tablets.
its quite troublesome. especially since i cannot swallow pills!! so i open the capsules onto a spoon and put it into my mouth and i bite the tablets.
so what was explained to me kinda made sense. your body has muscles and fats. my body has been trained to lose muscle first and not fats. so the pills will help to increase the muscle and lose the fats.
this is can be attributed to some of my "bad habits":
1) ever since i was 10 years old to now 24 years old, i have not eaten breakfast. my meals are simply brunch and dinner. in my mind, i thought that was alright. i'm eating less, so thats good rite? apparently its not. pple always say breakfast is the most important meal of the day. i now finally get it. so basically if i dont eat breakfast, my body will start storing fats. and the fats will not get burned if i do any exercise in the morning. so if i eat something, that wont happen.
2) water retention - i admittedly do not drink enough water. haha i dont drink so i dont have to go to the toilet so often especially when outside of the home. so when i dont drink water, there is a lot of water retention which is not lost.
so with this new diet plan, i eat breakfast and i try to drink more water and i will try to continue to exercise at least one hour a day.
HOPEFULLY i will lose some weight.
ya losing weight is good for my health. but its also as much a societal pressure. i mean i am ok with my body as it is now. if i die from it, i die from it. so be it.
but losing weight would definitely give me better self esteem. i somehow think no one would love me if i am physically like this. nevermind if i am the most beautiful person inside, no one would care cos the outside is so ugly.
and i guess deep down, i kinda think if i lose weight, my fuddy would be more open to an idea of a relationship?
haha good to have a motivation even if not the right one
well, hope this thing works out cos its costing me a bomb....
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Perfect Sunday
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Posted:Jul 2, 2012 8:31 am
Last Updated:Jul 3, 2012 7:03 am
26571 Views
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Had a really good Sunday.
Fuddy and I checked into Hotel 81 at 3pm. we were supposed to take a nap. well we did try. it was nice to have someone to sleep with and cuddle in bed again. his arms were around me and his head against mine as we tried to sleep.
however the key word was try cos it soon led to Round 1. after Round 1, we decided that in december we will be going for a Europe holiday trip!
since i cant find a full time job, i have decided to do find a part time job on top of my existing 2 part time jobs. this would help me earn enough money by december for my trip. i shall worry about a full time job next year. hopefully the market would get better by than. i still cant get over how i, a university graduate, cant even get a job that only requires a diploma. ah well whatever.
so anyway,after that we left for vivo city for a good full meal at the soup restaurant and to watch Men In Black 3.
we then returned back at midnight and quite promptly started Round 2. he used a condom that was ultra thin so that it wont feel that u were wearing a condom. but it felt strange. every time he tried to put it in, it felt like the condom was coming off.
we were quite tired by then so it was easy for us to fall into a nap but only to be awaken one hour later for the Euro 2012 finals.
and what a final!! SPAIN WON!! so happy! and it was such a thrashing. such a display of fine football. so happy for the Spanish players and so nice to see them with their . the fuddy and i had made a bet on which side would score the first goal. needless to say who won that bet. haha.
after the match, we slept till 9am to start Round 3. the first 2 times were with condoms. the 3rd time was without. and i could definitely see the difference in his moans and his face.
i have been doing some research on how males can have multiple orgasms. i'm proud to say we finally achieved it in our 3rd round. haha!
my dear fuddy has certainly come a long way since we first met up to have sex. he first came as a virgin and now his stamina is decent, he can cum more than once, his dick isnt as sensitive and now he can do multiple orgasms!
haha i strongly believe in improving oneself in the bed arena. thats why i do a lot of online research for theory and then put it into practice in bed. its all about getting that high!
so yup it was a good weekend with the fuddy. 
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Braces are off!
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Posted:Jun 28, 2012 9:29 am
Last Updated:Jul 1, 2012 9:28 pm
25730 Views
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my braces are off. although i dont find this a good thing. i actually loved my braces. i loved going to the dentist cos it might that i would feel the pain!
yes i am a masochist! haha
well not that my braces are off. i have to put retainers. and i HATE HATE HATE my retainers! putting on the retainers give me the gagging felling which i absolutely HATE. give me lots of pain, i can take it. but give me the gagging feeling, i really want to die.
but if i dont put the retainer, my teeth will move and my braces would be useless. ARGH.
anyone got any advice??
a good thing though is that my fuddy prefers me without braces. haha he never liked them and was very happy to see them off. apparently the BJ without braces feels better. haha
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Things looking up with Fuddy
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Posted:Jun 28, 2012 9:22 am
Last Updated:Jun 30, 2012 6:02 am
26015 Views
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i'm glad i made the decision to talk things out with him and work from there instead of running away like i usually do. ever since then, he has improved tremendously in both aspects.
in the bedroom, he has become much much better. he has better stamina and can last longer. he isnt so selfish in bed anymore. sex is pretty awesome now. it always ends up with both of us drenched in sweat. and nothing is sexier than 2 naked sweaty bodies to rubbing together.
outside the bedroom, he is becoming a much better friend. i can see the effort he is making to change. apparently, the points i raised were also points that other friends had previously mentioned to him before. and i guess he did some reflection and realised that it is sth he has to change within himself. definitely glad he saw the light. he is more listening now, he says thanks more often and i feel like i can share with him stuff more openly and not get a dismissive response.
ya he probably would never have feelings for me. but i'm pretty contented with the arrangement we have now. this has been the longest fuddy relationship that i have had. the past ones either moved away or moved on to other gals or found a gf. the pessimistic side of me knows that me and him might end one day. and when that comes, i know i would be devastated.
i just hope its not soon cos i'm pretty happy now with him.
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Euro 2012
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Posted:Jun 15, 2012 8:01 am
Last Updated:Jul 1, 2012 9:29 pm
26826 Views
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are you guys following Euro 2012 as well? who are u guys supporting?
i'm supporting Spain! since the Spanish is usually made up of Real Madrid players, it is a natural progression for me to like Spain. Although for the record, the national team i support wholeheartedly is BRAZIL!
my dream is to go to Brazil in 2014 to catch them play in the World Cup. been looking at the prices of tickets already.haha.
back to Euro, quite sad to see Holland in such a state. 2 matches and 0 points. and in all likelihood, Portugal would be able to beat them as they want to go through. if that happens, Holland end with 0 pts after 3 matches. truly sad. although, they are in the group of death. but still, they lost to denmark.
the team that i irrationally hate the most (just like how i irrationally hate liverpool) is germany. yes yes they are a good team. but i dont like their style of play. too clinical. lacks passion unlike the Brazil and Spanish team. and well i started hating them since they stole the world cup from Brazil.
we shall see who comes up top!
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5
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Fight or Flight?
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Posted:Jun 11, 2012 8:23 am
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2012 10:41 pm
26522 Views
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okok i know i am a sucker (thats what she said.)
change of plans, not deleting the fuddy out of my life. we had a talk to thrash things out and both promised that we would work on our communication which is utterly atrocious.
dont get me wrong, i am grateful for my life and the pple in it. but many pple have hurt me badly throughout the years. so when the question comes of whether to take flight or fight, i have taken flight almost 99.9% of the time. its become a natural instinct and second nature to me. i guess its so that i can protect myself and build a wall around me. it is so much easier to block things out rather than feel.
what about you? would you rather fight or take flight?
but it doesnt mean that running is always the right answer. this time i wont fly. i hope this doesnt come back to hit me in the butt but time will tell.
abt the issue of me falling for him, well i'll deal with it like i do with other not too pleasant issues. put it into one of the many compartments in my mind and lock it up. it would never be coming out unless provoked by some drastic event.
i really hope our relationship and communication improves. i do value this relationship alot and the whole process of finding another fuddy in LesbianPersonals is such a big drag.
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2
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Time to press the Delete button
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Posted:Jun 6, 2012 8:01 pm
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2012 7:34 am
27519 Views
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ok i have decided. right now it feels damn painful to make this decision. but i think i have to do it. for my own sake.
i'm going to delete this fuddy out of my life. known him for one year. never thought it would move past msn conversations. and even more, never thought i would actually fall for him.
he doesnt know and probably would never know since he doesnt read my blogs that i care for him a lot and would do anything for him. many a times in usa, my heart was like "omg i love u".
my head however is the smarter one. it knows that he would never feel the same way abt me ever. it also knows that he doesnt even care for me as a friend. he doesnt bother himself with my problems. he wouldnt go out of his way to do sth for me as i have seen him do time and time again for his other friends, even the not so close friends. when i'm hurting, but i say i'm ok, he takes that at face value and doesnt bother to dig deeper. and he rarely listens when i talk.
and if u say, why not just keep him for the sex? well whats the point when he obviously rather be doing some hot asian chick. probably the only reason why he ever considered doing me was cos i am as of now the only one that is willing to do it with him.
i dont think i will be looking around for a new fuddy anytime soon. well until the time i get really horny then i might go looking again.
for now, let me crawl up somewhere and cry to sleep. then hopefully waking up to a new day putting this behind.
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6
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All good things muat come to an end
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Posted:Jun 2, 2012 1:01 pm
Last Updated:Jun 22, 2012 3:19 am
27784 Views
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Yup sorry abt the typo/ wierd last sentence in my previous post. i have been typing my posts on my handphone as i didnt bring my laptop with me. the phone does not allow me to scroll down and edit so i had to leave that sentence hanging.
i am writing this at doha airport as i wait for mt.connecting flight back. will be back sun afternoon. bittersweet for me. i really enjoy my 35 days holiday in usa and canada. i got to see and experience so many things and it was a gd break from what life was in singapore. kinda felt like i belonged in usa though.
Well who knows where my next chapter of life will be. i go back to singapore with the new status of unemployed. kinda scares me. i hope the status does.not last long.
Ah well i.shall.see where life brimgs me next
------------------------------------------ be a watcher my blog! thanks! back in singapore tml!
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i hate emotions
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Posted:May 30, 2012 11:24 pm
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2012 12:22 am
26861 Views
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There has been a number of times that my fuddy has made me feel really hurt. i have written abt them in my previous posts. the one abt being emo in the usa, communication btw us and the recent one abt watching porn before sex.
at these times i was really resolved to break our fuddy relationship once the trip is over as i usually delete pple from my life who hurt me as i do not want to surround myself with pple that make me unhappy.
But once these incidents.hapoen and i go to bed and wake up the next morning, my mind is programmed to block.the unhappy situation thhat happened. the other party then never realises that he had hurt me and thinks all is alright.
So once it gets like this and the fuddy and i are enjoying our trip i start to feel things for him. and being with someone 24/7 for a month amplifies things.
so ya i dont know what to.do.after the trip
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2
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Watching porn before sex
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Posted:May 30, 2012 11:15 pm
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2012 12:50 pm
26874 Views
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Ok i am sure everyone has their opinions on this. ibhave my own too.but i guess it might evolve? or maybe it might not.
what is ur opinion.of guys who watch porn before having sex with u? and what is ur opinion of him wanting her to.watch porn together before having sex.
I realised during the usa trip, my fuddy on many mights were looking at pics of asian women on his laptop. And sometimes he watches porn. while he does this, i am in the room on the bed with full view.of his laptop screen. not as if i was intentional looking but it is iny view. here i am laying on the bed, a ready and willing gal who wants to have sex. but yet i guess the gals online are better than having real sex. Thanks man, really boosts my self confidence there.
Sometimes he does that and gets horny and wants sex. sometimes its late and he is tired and he just.comes to.bed to sleep.
he then got the idea to watch porn together. i reluctantly agreed and we watched this 40min clip of a hot asian gal. once it was over i thought we were done watching porn and we could get down to have sex together. but no, we watched 2 more clips. as we watch, he pulls my hand down to his crotch and i start giving him a handjob. he was able to cum much faster ghan he normally would without porn. he wanted me to stop going so fast as he wanted to cum inside me but i wasnt having it. i really wanted to have sex since i love it so much but my mood to do it went out the window when i realise that he obviously wants to have sex with a hot asian chick and not me.
guy. after ne amd a third one after that.
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San Francisco
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Posted:May 30, 2012 10:52 pm
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2012 12:23 am
26628 Views
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I really liked this city. i wish i could have been there longer but i was only there for 3 days and did a whirlwind tour of the city in a day.
the city is such a chill place in every sense of the word. San francisco is known as the headquarters of the gay community so u see a lot of rainbow flags proudly flown on houses or cars.july is when the gay parade happens. that would be a fun event.
Of.course i went to see the golden gate bridge and i.took a.boat cruise which brought me around Alcatraz. we also saw the other basic tourist stuff.
On the way there we went to solvang which is a danish.community as well as Hearst Castle which is a super luxurious humble abode.
On the way back we went to Yosemite national park which is super.duper.BEAUTIFUL!!valleys, mountains and waterfalls.
Only 2 more.days left in usa. sighhhhhhh
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