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love letters from fare a way part 6
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love letters from fare a way part 6 My dear xxx thank you for your letter! Thank you for your understanding, for your words. Thank you for being there!!! For the fact that you appeared in my life! You appeared at the right time. Then, when I was already in despair, I did not believe that I could be happy again. At that moment, when my faith almost died away. Belief that somewhere in this world there are real men who know how to listen, understand, show true attention, care, participation. And so I met you! And that faith came back to me again. Step step, I began to recognize you. I began to delve into this relationship. I confess to you that at some point silly thoughts appeared in my head. I scolded myself, asked myself questions, what should I do? Why am I doing this? What will it lead me to? Will I again feel that pain, disappointment and long sadness, as it was the last time? Can my heart withstand this new pain if it appears? Maybe it’s better to stop now before it is too late and never come to the Internet cafe again? Such thoughts really were in my head. But then other thoughts always turned out to be stronger. I told myself: “See, he’s not so bad!” Do you feel his sincerity, openness and kindness? Why do you doubt it? And all this gave me strength and desire to continue our communication with you. All this made me move on. Step step. Until I realized that it’s too late to give up and back down. Because I can’t change my feelings, my desires and my thoughts. And I stopped asking myself questions (smile). Such dialogues sometimes took place in my head, and I want you to know that. Because, as always, I believe that you will understand all this correctly. You always did it! My day was usually today. There were no major changes. The weather is pretty good. I like it. At work, time flies very fast. Although some of my colleagues began to notice changes in me (smiles). They say that I became somehow absent-minded, I have no concentration. I became thoughtful, dreamy, as if I was not at work, but somewhere else. And you know, they are probably right in something (smiles). When I wrote and sent you my last letter, I was very afraid. I was afraid that you would not be able to correctly understand everything that I wanted to write to you. I admit, I wanted to write much more to you, but something stopped me. Some kind of inner fear. Fear of making mistakes, repeating past mistakes or being afraid of rushing. First of all, I needed time to understand my feelings, desires and thoughts. To understand what I really want from our relationship? What I feel for you and whether I am ready for this. I did not want to rush or draw premature conclusions. But now I think that I am completely ready to answer all the questions that were in my head, in my heart. And I ask you to take all this seriously. This is not a game; it is not empty words or empty sound. This is all that is now inside of me, in my heart. For all this time I communicate with you. Throughout our letters, sharing photos and views on this life, I understood a lot for myself! It’s not even right to write. I felt a lot about you, about myself, our life! I found a lot of common thoughts, feelings, when I told you about my life situations, when I read your stories and memories. With each letter, it brought me closer to you. And at the same time, I wanted to get even closer, as close as possible! And I felt how the connection between us grew and became stronger. How this connection became tangible, as if I could touch it ... This is an incredible feeling. I have never felt this before. And it really touched me, and I followed him. Step step. In the end, I had already ceased to be afraid of something, to doubt or to postpone to a later date. And now I am writing to you absolutely everything that is in my heart, in my thoughts. I understand that for someone, all this my letter may seem like great nonsense, stupidity. But not for me and you, I hope. I could never imagine that letters can convey so many feelings, emotions, moods. But now I myself am convinced of this. Now I’m even starting to think that in this world there are no impossible things! And if a person really wants something, then everything becomes possible. I wanted to get rid of loneliness, a monotonous, boring life ... I wanted to meet a decent man with whom I would like to spend my whole life. And I met you! And all these are not just words. Now I have absolute confidence, and I do not want to hide it. I love you Ben, I love you very much and maybe for some time. But I was afraid to admit it to myself. But now I'm not afraid of anything! And I will tell you everything that I feel. Although not (smiles). Maybe I'm a little scared of your next letter. Your reaction and everything you write to me there. But in any case, I will look forward to your reply. Hugs and kisses. your love xxx    |
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