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Men behaving badly
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Men behaving badly This post is only viewable by LesbianPersonals members. Join LesbianPersonals now! |
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Looks like one of the downsides of anonymous interaction is raising its ugly head. Before social media the only way for people to meet and interact with one another was in a social setting like a party, bar, school classes, etc. Bad behavior occurred, but if a certain individual became habitually over aggressive and insulting they might eventually find themselves beat to crap by the friends and/or family of the offended female. Here and elsewhere it's too easy to be an asshole and get away with it. You are correct in expecting some kind of repercussions from LesbianPersonals, but I can imagine they are trying to balance a degree of decency with the bottom line and don't want to lose too many paying members. Now that you've brought the issue to my attention I will report such behavior in the hope that LesbianPersonals will eventually put a stop to it. Most of us are here to have some good adult fun and maybe meet somebody we can have an adult relationship with. I don't spend much time on the IM or watching webcams so I don't really see any of this extreme behavior. What I do often see when I do watch a cam are men that don't try to communicate and compliment, but rather ask/demand to skip the seduction and get right down to what they want to see so they can get off. What a shame. No man that selfish can be a good lover, at least to the majority of women.
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People think free speech means you can be an asshole or a bitch,it's meant for freedom of opinion,hope your experience on here gets better...P.S, enjoyed your pics...
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Good point Bruce. I'm the same way. I always try to be courteous and positive and complimentary, and most women don't give me the time of day. Not even a thank you. Men outnumber women here by such a large margin that it seems sometimes the good guys get lost in the crowd and are taken for granted.
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Boy do we understand , we just got an email from some asshole we never heard of who said " I want to fuck your ass " no intro, no hi my name is .fucking rude single guy, we blocked his ass
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Exactly! Just because you "can" say something doesn't mean that you should! With great freedom comes great responsibility. We need more of the latter!
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I would like to apologize for all the little boys who don't know how to treat a lady or satisfy a women in the bedroom .... they weak minded with little wee wee's and have no class .... It is obvious they had no father to teach them like my dad did.... Don't you give those loser a second thought .... Don't you dare you are way to smart .... classy.... sophisticated .... funny.... sexy.....witty.... fun loveing .... sweet of a special women .... you didn't deserve that abuse from those bums..... I hope you don'y give up looking for that someone special because of them.... You seem very kind hearted, smart and classy women just from your cam sessions....I will be hoping that this post finds you, and finds you well.
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Sadly, its too much like work to ban the street trash that do that. I am seeing it more and more as I watch cams. Be safe, relax and just have fun!
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know most of you aren't jerks, most of you do not insult and degrade women and threaten them and call them terrible names. ... A far greater majority of men in any crowed/group don't do that. The site gave you a blocking mechanism, I suggest you use it. But there are unfortunately a number of men on this site who do. ...Yes, "A relatively small number of men", we're all not the same, nor feel the same. And around the cold days of this time of years, these men, and a good share of women, are going to act out on public venues from time to time. Even though they are in the minority, they make it very unpleasant and uncomfortable for us women on this site. ... So block them. So I invite you, good men of LesbianPersonals, to take a stand and show these jerks that their behavior is not okay and that they are not welcome here if they choose to harass, threaten and demean the women members here. ... Not a good idea. Then you only succeed in creating a mob riot. Just block those you don't like. --- is the handle of the person who harassed me and then called me a cunt. ... So block him. This is between you and him. I invite you, good men of LesbianPersonals, to direct message him and let him know that he is not welcome here. ... Now you're inciting a riot. This is not good either. Maybe if the report comes from a man and not a woman, LesbianPersonals will take it seriously. ... No, they take reports seriously, regardless. This site has equipped you with a blocking mechanism, use it. Don't cause a shit storm.
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Obviously blocking and reporting is the appropriate response to this type of behavior, but doesn't address the question of why anyone would think it acceptable to act like this, irrespective of the circumstances. Having seen some of this happen during chat, and reports of it in blogs or in email, I have a real problem getting my head around the mindset of those who are doing this. Are they so desensitized that they don't see the images on their screen as being a real person? Do they think that women who cam want to be abused in this way? The most plausible explanation I can think of is the off-repeated "... but this is a sex site" and the assumption that any woman with a profile of LesbianPersonals is "available". Even when comments made in chat aren't immediately or obviously offensive, I've seen equally disturbing evidence of guys who don't / won't accept the most fundamental principal for all relationships (of all kinds) - that "no means no".
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Thank you, Tangledup735 for an excellent response to the "just block them" argument above. You have hit the nail squarely on the head. Sure, I can block anyone, but why do I have to endure being called a cunt, a bitch, a whore until I can get my cursor on that block button? The poster above claims that being harassed and abused and degraded in the IM is a matter between myself and the abuser alone. I disagree, this site is a community and every community telegraphs to its members what kind of behavior is and isn't okay. Of course I know I can block people, but after nearly two years on this site and being attacked over and over again in email, IM, in the comments to my pictures, in comments to my status--I've just had it. I thank you for your response. Just having someone recognize that it is a problem I think can go a long way to combatting it and certainly makes me feel less alienated. I wish I could offer a solution, but I don't really see anything that could stop or even reduce what's happening to you and so many others. Technology can't fix a problem that's engrained in people's attitudes and behavior. I doubt that any more than a small minority of members do see this as a "community" - the others would probably just laugh at the idea that this is anything else than their "hunting ground" or their source of masturbation fantasies. The idea that there members here who communicate outside the whole "hookup" scenario, who enjoy interaction with others they're never going to meet, yet alone have sex with, or want to form a relationship rather than find a quick fuck, is probably alien to them. The sad thing is that in spite of the positive responses you've received I fear that little's going to change, and those of us who'd like it to do so will continue to feel like the proverbial fish out of water,
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First, I truly sucks that you have to endure such comments. Unfortunately it happens often on this site...well on social media in general. It amazes me how folks lose there sense of decency just because "they think" they can say whatever they want online without repercussions. It is a sad commentary to say the least. I truly hope that through the mud and filth you find those that can still brighten your day and make your cam and chat experience an enjoyable one.
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It's so unfortunate that people seem to think it's okay to treat people like that for no apparent reason. Hope you find what you're looking for and that you have better experiences going forward.
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Thanks to all (well, almost all of you!) for your thoughtful comments. I think that just as several of you have said, there are no repercussions for acting like a jerk on this site particularly because it is a "sex" site and that somehow means basic social niceties are to be discarded at the door. The interwebs has created this space that has never existed before. Because you can actually say whatever you'd like without facing the consequences of being confronted or called to answer to anyone, it is an interesting test of each of our characters. Unfortunately, the answer to the age-old ethics question: "would you do something bad if you could get away with it" for some online is "yes, yes I would." This is not a problem unique to this site at all. I am hardly a delicate flower who gets her feelings hurt easily. I'm a pretty tough cookie and I'm okay with who and what I am , so a lot of silly insults bounce right off. But after nearly two years on this site and others and the seemingly endless waves of insults and name calling and attempts to degrade and humiliate me because I say I'm not interested or I didn't respond to someone's email or I did respond but I didn't say what they wanted me to or I'm on cam and not willing to get naked for someone's amusement....it's getting to me. It's not even that one person so much does the damage, but in the aggregate it becoming a very heavy and dark weight to bear. I've seen the very bad side of far too many people to simply brush it off any more as just a few bad apples. I think there are bad apple orchards now. . . I guess my only final thought on this subject is that the medium that created this problem cannot solve it. Things like "ignore" and "block" don't solve them problem, they just divert it. The only thing that can solve this problem is us and if we each whenever we see someone acting like an ass to someone whether it is us or someone else says, "hey, that's not cool here" it might, just might make a difference.
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Thanks to all (well, almost all of you!) for your thoughtful comments. I think that just as several of you have said, there are no repercussions for acting like a jerk on this site particularly because it is a "sex" site and that somehow means basic social niceties are to be discarded at the door. The interwebs has created this space that has never existed before. Because you can actually say whatever you'd like without facing the consequences of being confronted or called to answer to anyone, it is an interesting test of each of our characters. Unfortunately, the answer to the age-old ethics question: "would you do something bad if you could get away with it" for some online is "yes, yes I would." This is not a problem unique to this site at all. I am hardly a delicate flower who gets her feelings hurt easily. I'm a pretty tough cookie and I'm okay with who and what I am , so a lot of silly insults bounce right off. But after nearly two years on this site and others and the seemingly endless waves of insults and name calling and attempts to degrade and humiliate me because I say I'm not interested or I didn't respond to someone's email or I did respond but I didn't say what they wanted me to or I'm on cam and not willing to get naked for someone's amusement....it's getting to me. It's not even that one person so much does the damage, but in the aggregate it becoming a very heavy and dark weight to bear. I've seen the very bad side of far too many people to simply brush it off any more as just a few bad apples. I think there are bad apple orchards now. . . I guess my only final thought on this subject is that the medium that created this problem cannot solve it. Things like "ignore" and "block" don't solve them problem, they just divert it. The only thing that can solve this problem is us and if we each whenever we see someone acting like an ass to someone whether it is us or someone else says, "hey, that's not cool here" it might, just might make a difference. To me its just common decency ... anyone who cams deserves to have their wishes respected, and above all to feel a degree of safety. In most cases the perpetrators are just jerks who know no better - some, though, appear to be seriously disturbed individuals. Even if just one person eventually responds with "Sorry" or "I didn't realize" and stops then something has been improved. However, I still don't know how we (or LesbianPersonals) can address the behavior of those who simply don't think that they're doing anything wrong, or act on a "no consequences" assumption.
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Thanks to all (well, almost all of you!) for your thoughtful comments. I think that just as several of you have said, there are no repercussions for acting like a jerk on this site particularly because it is a "sex" site and that somehow means basic social niceties are to be discarded at the door. The interwebs has created this space that has never existed before. Because you can actually say whatever you'd like without facing the consequences of being confronted or called to answer to anyone, it is an interesting test of each of our characters. Unfortunately, the answer to the age-old ethics question: "would you do something bad if you could get away with it" for some online is "yes, yes I would." This is not a problem unique to this site at all. I am hardly a delicate flower who gets her feelings hurt easily. I'm a pretty tough cookie and I'm okay with who and what I am , so a lot of silly insults bounce right off. But after nearly two years on this site and others and the seemingly endless waves of insults and name calling and attempts to degrade and humiliate me because I say I'm not interested or I didn't respond to someone's email or I did respond but I didn't say what they wanted me to or I'm on cam and not willing to get naked for someone's amusement....it's getting to me. It's not even that one person so much does the damage, but in the aggregate it becoming a very heavy and dark weight to bear. I've seen the very bad side of far too many people to simply brush it off any more as just a few bad apples. I think there are bad apple orchards now. . . I guess my only final thought on this subject is that the medium that created this problem cannot solve it. Things like "ignore" and "block" don't solve them problem, they just divert it. The only thing that can solve this problem is us and if we each whenever we see someone acting like an ass to someone whether it is us or someone else says, "hey, that's not cool here" it might, just might make a difference. The only thing that can solve this problem is us and if we each whenever we see someone acting like an ass to someone whether it is us or someone else says, "hey, that's not cool here" it might, just might make a difference. ... No , it won't solve anything, in fact it would just create a firestorm of shit slinging until someone gets the brilliant idea to "Divert" them, as what should have been done in the first place. Inciting a riot against people who don't like you, isn't the answer.
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"No , it won't solve anything, in fact it would just create a firestorm of shit slinging until someone gets the brilliant idea to "Divert" them, as what should have been done in the first place." You're right that unless someone's acting in a moderator role (does LesbianPersonals even have these?) then jumping in and interfering could easily be disruptive. However, when Sweetkitty referred to "diversion" my understanding is that if she blocks someone he'll just move on the next cam, angrier and more full of bile than before. If he's banned then there's every chance that he'll simply set up a new account and start again. The point is that "go away" isn't sufficient - this situation will only improve if perpetrators understand that what they're doing is wrong and why its wrong.
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"No , it won't solve anything, in fact it would just create a firestorm of shit slinging until someone gets the brilliant idea to "Divert" them, as what should have been done in the first place." You're right that unless someone's acting in a moderator role (does LesbianPersonals even have these?) then jumping in and interfering could easily be disruptive. However, when Sweetkitty referred to "diversion" my understanding is that if she blocks someone he'll just move on the next cam, angrier and more full of bile than before. If he's banned then there's every chance that he'll simply set up a new account and start again. The point is that "go away" isn't sufficient - this situation will only improve if perpetrators understand that what they're doing is wrong and why its wrong. It's quiet, it's tidy, and there is no fuss.
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You're right, in that there seems little more that can be done other than block and report. I'm not sure about those involved being "mentally functioning below the norm" - I was rightly called out recently for suggesting that those harassing and abusing women here are "sad losers living in their mom's basement" - rather, there's every likelihood that they're your neighbor, your coworker, your doctor ... Obviously there are some simply lacking in social skills and awareness; others, though, know exactly what they are doing and do so because they can indulge their fantasies and predilections without consequences.
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You're right, in that there seems little more that can be done other than block and report. I'm not sure about those involved being "mentally functioning below the norm" - I was rightly called out recently for suggesting that those harassing and abusing women here are "sad losers living in their mom's basement" - rather, there's every likelihood that they're your neighbor, your coworker, your doctor ... Obviously there are some simply lacking in social skills and awareness; others, though, know exactly what they are doing and do so because they can indulge their fantasies and predilections without consequences. I'm not sure about those involved being "mentally functioning below the norm" ... I was writing my thoughts quickly, poor choice of words on my part. - I was rightly called out recently for suggesting that those harassing and abusing women here are "sad losers living in their mom's basement" - rather, there's every likelihood that they're your neighbor, your coworker, your doctor ... Very true. They could be just having a really bad day. ... Obviously there are some simply lacking in social skills and awareness; others, though, know exactly what they are doing and do so because they can indulge their fantasies and predilections without consequences. .. You're right about that, and there is no way to really sort them out in short order, so best not to mob up and waste time, just block and report.
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I wonder sometimes if guys start from having no appetite for (or experience of) the fine art of flirting ... is it, indeed, a dying art these days? Is "Ur hot! Can I fuck u?" the modern equivalent of subtle suggestiveness, innuendo, exploring boundaries with a sense of humor? Sometimes it feels like we're losing the ability to simply have fun, which would be very, very sad.
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I wonder sometimes if guys start from having no appetite for (or experience of) the fine art of flirting ... is it, indeed, a dying art these days? Is "Ur hot! Can I fuck u?" the modern equivalent of subtle suggestiveness, innuendo, exploring boundaries with a sense of humor? Sometimes it feels like we're losing the ability to simply have fun, which would be very, very sad. Men, our age, probably still know how to flirt, but younger men, born after 75' , they likely rely on modern day hieroglyphs [emojis] to do their speaking. ... is it, indeed, a dying art these days? ... "Flirting"? Well sure, because being able to interact organically with someone is becoming a lost skill, so most anything related, would become also become a lost skill. Is "Ur hot! Can I fuck u?" the modern equivalent of subtle suggestiveness, innuendo, exploring boundaries with a sense of humor? ..."Sense of humor"? No. "Ur hot", is a reasonable text of interest. "Can I fuck you", is a weak, but also reasonable for this venue, rather than Eharmony. If you're going to convey that desire to a woman on a sex site, then better to say, "I want to fuck you". This is a stronger form of conveyance. She, of course, still says, Yes or No, but viscerally she would have more attraction for him, or fear of him, of course. But that's to be expected because attraction/infatuation and fear share the same neuro pathways. The statement [as a first message], "I want to fuck you", would be really good if used by a female toward a male, rather than the other way around, because men don't feel threatened by sexually aggressive women, even when he's not physically attracted to her. Sometimes it feels like we're losing the ability to simply have fun, ... It feels this way because we are organic Beings, who use senses to navigate a 3 dimensional world, but once we start using an environment where our senses don't work [ to communicate], then the unknown [un-sensed] person becomes all that much attractive or scary based on how the persons imagination is affected.
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I wish we could just be more respectful of each other, specifically when it comes to sites such as this one. Let's celebrate our individual sexuality and the fact that each of are willing to put it out there, especially since this place has been hacked on private info has been posted. That said, I am a fan and will watch when I see you are on. Keep it up, madame!
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"I wish we could just be more respectful of each other, specifically when it comes to sites such as this one." On a site such as this one I fear that's unattainable. If some of us, at least, can interact here in a respectful way then that may make it more enjoyable and rewarding for others. We are, though, in a tiny minority in having that attitude.
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1 post 12/7/2016 9:57 pm |
First, I'm glad you're back and didn't let the a-holes scare you off for good. It's a shame you - and others who like to cam and chat - have to put up with the hostile idiocy of some of these people. I don't get it - do they think yelling and screaming at you is going to make you suddenly change your mind about them?? I guess they're basically unhinged psychos. I wish I could offer up some solutions but the only thing that comes to mind would be an option for those camming to suspend people who harass them. I confess to being a bit of a voyeur and have visited other cam sites from time to time and they're usually moderated and have little to no tolerance for disrespectful behavior. This site is self-moderated pretty much so people who cam are at the mercy of the peanut gallery. It's a shame it's that way and maybe LesbianPersonals will introduce a way for people to forcibly suspend a user for a week or something. Hey, a person can dream right? Finally, for every jerk in the crowd, there are probably dozens if not hundreds of us who do like and appreciate the fact that you invite us into your private world. Case in point - caught your cam/chat this evening and it was amazing! Thanks for taking the time to flirt, play, frolic, and chat with us. Take care!
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You have nicely expressed what (some) of the major downsides are to being a member of the A'F'F site: 1) You get exposed to some of the rudest behavior you will experience anywhere 2) A'F'F is lacking in moral and ethical responsibility
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