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| Blogs > hotmamamm > Welcum To HottieVille |
The Death Rattle!!
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I am so sorry my friend I lost my little sister to SIDS when she was not even three months old. And I still remember her funeral today I was barely a little over a year old. Its so sad that this happened to you, and your mother, I can't even imagine what you went through as a child.. 
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That is very sad for you! Butch
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How does one respond to such a life changing story?Besides feeling like I was punched in the throat and wiping tears from my eyes.I take a moment in silence,wipe more tears and think to myself how can I be so compassionate for someone I don't know or will ever meet? It's just the way I am I guess.Your story is something that makes any hardship I have ever had to endure like ripping a bandaid off. Thank you for sharing something so personal.It's not often we as humans get to see how the lord works at ensuring that your late sister's request that he take care of you for the rest of your life! 
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Thank you Dave!!
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And this is why we rely on our friends for support. Even though we have never met, you always have a friend in me.
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What a sad story. . Of course you didn't realize that her illness was at fault and not her.. That's very understandable. Now you must move on.
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Thank you so much balliont!
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I am sorry for your pain. If you are worried about Multiple personality Disorder you can be screened for it using the Structured Clinical Interview for DSM-IV, or the SCID-D protocol, any psychiatrist or clinical psychologist can administer it. I doubt very much that you have schizophrenia which tends to manifest itself in the late teens and twenties. Your writing is thoughtful, coherent, and well structured. Just keep being you, you will be alright.
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I appreciate you listening. I also agree with your statement.
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sorry for you jeanine
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thank you for sharing Jeanie, you are in my thoughts. 
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While it is personally sad for you, know that others have walked along this path that you are on. You do have an advantage, in that you know it is part of your history and can take steps to check yourself out. Prayers and blessings to you.
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forgiveness takes time....love yourself....love others....it will come!
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I think you did the right thing by sharing this post. It is sad to see someone so beautiful, so lovely and so innocent go. But in the end we all have to go back. I am sure baby sister in haven.
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Thanks for sharing that. I hope that whatever way you choose to deal with this works out for you.
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My biggest fear is getting Alzheimers. It took hold of my gran, my uncle and more recently, my mother. I'm just grateful I have many fond memories unlike yourself which must have been extremely hard to take.
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Oh Jeanie, that is such a frank, honest and moving story. You are a wonderful lady with such a beautiful smile. Love and hugs to you xxx
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It is such a hard thing to watch but yes you are right it is the desease not the person. Thank you for listening!
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That was a powerful but very sad story Jeanie. I'm so sorry you lost your sister then your mother. My mother has the same traits and a few other ones the doctor has not discussed with her. She tells me everyday she will not live by the end of the year. She keeps getting sicker and sicker by the day. I just thank god she is not lying in a hospital bed right now. I continue to pray for her everyday hoping she beats this. My prayers are with you too Jeanie. Happy Tuesday!
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Very emotional post my friend. My Aunt had Schizophrenia. That was awful to see and watch. Visits at the sate hospital...a horrible atmosphere. I wish you well through this whole experience... losing family members is hard, especially if things are not going well.. I am sorry for your losses.
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Hugs...I kind of know what you feel...I understand the comforting statements for your mom, this would be an act of a compassionate person, you...you were a victim of circumstances, your responses to that are normal...sorting the feelings I don't think we can...I avoid those feelings if I can...your history brings back mine.. Hugs. 
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Hi Jeanie, My sincere empathy, and sympathy for your loss of your family. I recently lost my Aunt to Alzhiemers. I lost my wife to pills and alcohol in 2014. I wanted to die that day. I asked God. What did I do to deserve losing my best friend and my lifetime mate and partner. In 2010 I lost my father to botched surgery. Ended up getting sepsis. By the time the inadequate staff realized what happened. It was to late . I to live with the horror of my dad gasping for his last breath. Since my wife's passing I have been trying to put my life back together. It's not eazy. With that being said, God has a plan for us. We don't know what that is? A good friend of mine and Minister shared something with me. He said, God will never put you in a situation that you can't handle. I am still trying to figure that one out myself. What I do know about you for following your blog now for approximately a year now. You change people's lives literally. You are the most giving and down to earth classy and undeniably sexist lady that I am proud to be your friend. You have my personal info. I am only a click away.
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You like some others of us out here are on a double edge sword. It cuts and hurts either way you go. What ifs a plenty!! I should have could have would have a lot. It was the disease that took them from us. It was the disease that punished them and us so. I can only hope that they are finally at peace, they understand the what and why we did in response to the disease within them. Yes it changed them and us the survivors as well. I have learned a lot about myself now in hind site some good and some I am not proud of at all. We try to deal with these situations as well as we can and we will live with the aftermath. At least we loved and cared far better than being cold indifferent and uncaring. Love and hate are very powerful and strong feelings and edges of the sword.
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I am very sorry that you have had to go through all of that. I too have gone through a very similar thing and feel for you. God bless you Jeanie. #D# #D# #D#
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The pain of watching is the most difficult part, It sets in the deepest. My heart goes out to you. I watched my mother die from bone cancer. The pain she endured was extreme. Of course my Christian aunt blamed me for her suffering because I was not a believer. I did not witness the end, my older brother arrived and sent me home, I had seen to much already. My father passed minutes before I arrived and my wife's breathing continued to slow till it stopped, no big breaths, and watched her turn a pale grey before her heart stopped. Memories that will last till our final breath. I've told my kids that no one is allowed to watch me die.
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