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| Blogs > gottaring > Out of the Mouth of a Babe... |
Whose Line is it Anyway?
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Whose Line is it Anyway? An interesting thing occurred to me after reading the comments on my post about being deemed unfuckable because I'm married. I recall my days as a bartender back in the 90's...(cue the Streisand). Women in the real world don't care if a man has a wedding ring. I've seen it enough times to know that it's true: if they see a hot dude and he's out with the boys, they won't hesitate to swoop in and bat their eyelashes. Granted, most married men who were open to a little fun on the down-low were generally smart enough to remove their rings before heading into the abyss, but the ones who didn't could always be persuaded to "buy a pretty girl a drink". Men, however, wouldn't touch a married chick if her ass had a glowing neon sign that said 'Open for business'. Why do you suppose that is? And what turns the tables out here? The men on this site LOVE the fact that I'm married and the women out here hate dealing with married men. And yeah, I know some of the men on this site seem to employ a Malcom X strategy when it comes to 'Getting laid tonight', i.e., the will use any means necessary, but why is it ok to chase a married woman out here and not out there? Are the wives on this site perceived as really desperate or something? Easy prey, as it were? A tangential digression: Many moons ago, I had a friend who worked as a private investigator while she got her degree in Criminal Justice. Her assignment was to catch a man cheating so that his fiancee would know before they wed whether he was a player or not. My blond haired, blue eyed friend decided that she needed reinforcements on this assignment- she couldn't be sure that he would automatically find her attractive (unlikely unless he was blind), so she enlisted my help as the perfect foil. We headed to the bar where he hung out and our assignment was straightforward: seduce this man to the point where he was ready to leave with one of us, but stop short of actually exchanging spit. Um. Okay. I wasn't a huge fan of the plan since I prefer not to play games when my physical safety is on the line, and truthfully it seemed much more like entrapment. Few men would say 'no' if propositioned, but very few would actually DO the propositioning. But I suppose the end result is the same, right? At least I think it is. So we flirted, we giggled, we showed some thigh. He had his choice of the vacuous, sexy blonde or the sultry and cerebral exotic chick- whichever direction he preferred...we even hinted at a threesome (in for a penny...). The end result? Let's just say she forgave him his imminent trespass because he claimed that he only pursued the option because he was seduced and would have never initiated contact if left to his own devices. She bought that malarkey! Let me ask y'all married folks a question: Does it really make a difference who does the pursuing? Those of you who claim to be here just for blogging, perving and boredom: what if the right bait was dangled in your face? How do you know you wouldn't bite? Aren't you tempting fate a bit by being here? I know I am- I don't deny it. If not for this site, I might not have ever entered into the discussion that led to my Hall Pass. Why are we playing with fire? Why are we shocked when the heat gets to be too much and we find ourselves in a moral quandary? Aren't we guilty of entrapping ourselves? When it comes to sex, I need a STRONG connection. Otherwise, the page just keeps buffering and takes FOREVER to load... |
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GOOD
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gotta, I really need to get into your back... issues as I'm having trouble grasping the history that got you where you are now -- not asking for a retelling, I've got "read gottaring" on my to-do list already {right "gottaring" on my to-do list, but I digress...}, but I do wonder about your hall pass. I sense that, even though you and hubby had a discussion that led you to have the hall pass, you felt 1) hurt that he would be OK with you using it, and either 2a) not believing that he would be OK with you using it, or 2b) not believing that you would be OK in your relationship after using it. I guess I'm struggling to get my brain creases around what you're conflict is with the hall pass part, in part because you seemed ready to march down the hall with THAT GUY until he said you needed to get back to class. As to the why married women aren't sought in the "real world," but are here, I think one reason is that here the intent is understood or assumed -- we all here peddling ass as [blog menteluminosa] once put it. In the street or the bar, no matter how sluttish someone may be dressed, or how flirty that someone may be, there is always the very real chance that the dude has mis-read some signal that leads to an embarrassing and costly mistake. On this site, the women have at least taken the active measure of joining a site that promises to get you laid -- not a guarantee of her down-to-fuck-ness, but a far cry safer than hitting on the wife in the corner bar. Another reason is the "ability to have a commitment free sexual relationship" as they put it in the more topics section. Women are viewed as tending more toward emotional attachment than men and one fear with picking up that married and sexually frustrated hottie is that, once you feed the pussy, the cat won't leave (to put it bluntly). While this site is no guarantee of not picking up a stray, the women on this site, both married or single, are likely to be more in tune with their sexuality; have a better understanding of what they want in a partner playmate, or relationship; and be better able to express their desires -- so if she's looking for a relationship, you can know that before you whip out the catnip. The site is no guarantee, as I've run into someone from the site who knew not what they wanted. This was a married woman, who thought she was looking for relief from a sexless marriage through some friendliness with boffing, but decided (mid thrust one day, actually) that mr_hot_teas's brew was too addictive and to continue would risk falling in love. I still get the occasional, "will you divorce for me" e-mail from her. I say this to emphasize the point that even here, where we are completely free to be as open and explicit sexually, the problem of not know what we want remains -- how much more so in "real life" then? {OK, I also say this to subliminally implant the message in your minds, "Damn, that mr_hot_teas must have magical sexual powers, I should totally take his wand for a test drive"} After reading [blog FatherDon]'s response to this post, I was reminded of a favorite movie quote, "if my answers frighten you, then you should cease asking scary questions." I hope you find the answers you're looking for. I can feel your need to understand, to see where you fit and where you stand out, but I wonder if the big question in your mind remains unasked, either because it evades you, because it's stuck in there looming too big to get out or because you're afraid of what the answer may be.
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Respectful silence from the single male. Take it easy! Guns are cold.Take it easy, guns are cold. 
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2/26/2012 10:54 am |
gottaring replies on 2/26/2012 10:19 am: I contend that she chose that course of action because she had an instinct about him and needed confirmation. Not all women who are 'wary' are 'paranoid', and not all 'paranoid' women are 'crazy'. I agree with this part. I was married to a woman who I suspected of cheating, did some checking and I found out I was right. But I also was with a woman I never cheated on or gave her any reason to suspect that I was, but I still got the constant accusations. It started when we were dating when she would call places to see if I was where I said I was (I always was). If I'd recognized her paranoia then I would have saved myself a lot of pain later.
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My views are bit divergent from the mainstream, but I'll give you my input anyway. When I got divorced, I had been married longer than I had been single, but for me, when I'm with somebody, it doesn't matter how hot they were, how bright they were, how exotic, or how erotic, I would have no interest. Period. End of story. Course, that's just when I'm in a relationship. If I'm not in a relationship, then the dynamics change and all those attibutes come into play, but only as they pertain to establishing a relationship. I've no interest in married women because it can't lead anywhere. Doesn't matter to me whether it's on this site, or out there in the real world. Sex is nice, but without the rest of the enchilada, it's just assisted masturbation...and I've never needed any help with that. 
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With the ex I got a call from her GF. She said your wife is fooling around on you we might as well. I did not go for it tho. Too close to home This is not meant to offend any one in any way.     
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Why you'll see men chase married women HERE, but not IRL? Because the opportunity is somewhat explicit. Married women here to get laid, with or without the knowledge of their significant other, are obviously open to the idea, if not necessarily with the guy doing the chasing. There is no need to investigate and deduce. As for me, I've been the other guy once. That was once too many. And that came about because she was looking for distraction, not an affair. She opened the door, she walked through it. I went with her. Big mess all around, but the point is, your scenario of possibly entrapping oneself is exactly what happened. Last time we talked, she was headed for divorce. Smart as a horse and hung like Einstein.
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i will take the cerebral exotic chick for 200 hundred alex. i have been told it is easier for guys to hook up with married women seeking, because of her motivation. however i also believe that married women have the inherent issues of children and schedules and soccer practices etc. everyone here labels married men cheaters. an unfair practice if you ask me. get to know their story before you just call them dogs. again the cerebral exotic chick for 400. what the daily double. i will bet it all.
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2/26/2012 6:49 am |
If I were the guy who you and your buddy tried to seduce I'd have dumped my fiancee when I found out. Paranoid behavior like hers won't suddenly go away. He was in for a loooong ride. I'm attached and on here. Am I setting myself up for failure? Maybe, maybe not. I left here once before for that fear, we'll see how it works this time.
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My first wife cheated on me and it felt horrible, however, getting divorced from her was the best thing that happened in my life as it made me move and opened up a whole new world for me. Then I found myself in a second marriage where my wife has not been interested in sex (we are currently at 3 to 4 times a year) and will not talk to me about it. So, I have cheated on her with a couple of highly sexed married women in the same situation and it has saved my marriage because I was getting really frustrated. I have come to open up my ways of thinking on sex and love and relationships. I have come to see my marriage as the union it is between us and sex as something our bodies do for enjoyment. I also fully appreciate how meant for each other my wife and I are and just want us both to be happy. I have since stopped seeing others on the side until I can get my own free pass if I can ever get my wife to open up a bit more.
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Very good question and food for thought. I must be in that exact spot right now. Hubby knows I am here, but if the right bait comes along, I am not sure I would be able to resist. I am highly sexed (and being on this site does not (well DOES) help!) and highly frustrated. I have the best intentions, but as you say .... playing with fire, very dangerous fire! Not sure why I am doing this? What I DO know, is that I am enjoying it. Something interesting in my life: A surprise on my naked body this morning Come visit my blog to know what I get up to from time to time: [blog 4jasmine2]
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2/26/2012 2:34 am |
And two women enticing one man just isn't fair.
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2/26/2012 2:30 am |
Out of consideration for other guys, a marriage should be regarded with some respect. Even if its an open relationship, its still significant and should be taken note of. Recklessly going around hurting people will lead to problems. If the guy is cool with it and it seems safe, it could be fun. But having no possibility for a relationship puts a ceiling on the experience.
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I never had any problem finding men to play with when I was married. Granted I had the properly endorsed hall pass but the men who were pursuing me didn't know that for sure until they met my then husband. I'm about to embark on another marriage and this one will also be open for us both most of the time. I have no doubt that there will be plenty of men available. Actually I've had more problems finding men while single and "availabe" than when married. I think perhaps you are projecting an aura of unavailbility. Either that or looking for men in the wrong places or looking for the wrong men. Just my opinion. Kisses, LeeAnn Kisses, LA   
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2/25/2012 9:37 pm |
The heat is there when you make it . We all have limits to what we think we will do . Is there double standards , could be . I know that i talk to anyone . Do i flirt a bit , yes i think so . I don't care if a woman is married or not . As it is her choice if we are to go farther .
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WHAT?!?!?! "...Men, however, wouldn't touch a married chick if her ass had a glowing neon sign that said 'Open for business'..." Are you serious? Most of my conquests are married guys. I haven't been turned down by a married guy yet, unless he was with his wife at the time. I even lured a guy into fucking me in the dressing room at the mall while his wife shopped outside. Married guys are EASY!!! Join my 4F Club: Find 'em, Fellate 'em, Fuck 'em, FORGET 'EM!
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1 post 2/25/2012 9:30 pm |
Great food for thought...
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2/25/2012 9:17 pm |
Well I'm not married.. but I can venture a few guesses right? I think a woman is more likely to play with a married man than a man to play with a married woman for a few reasons. They might perceive the wife as being a harmless person who wouldn't want to kill them? While a man might be scared of the woman's husband. I'm thinking shotguns and rifles to blow his penis off and not in the good way. I could be completely wrong. Because I know women talk. So even if the wife is seen as harmless, she can still get you by ruining your reputation by playing with a married man. That's kind of what happened to my dad's concubine, I mean wife. She messed with the wrong man, and now the whole town knows and pretty looks at her as if she were a gold-digging joke. I do plan to get married someday. And Puppy and I have actually had "what if" conversations regarding temptation and cheating. I've concluded that we both like to think we'll stay faithful for sure, but it's no guarantee that we won't bite if the "right bait" came along. Although I'm holding out for Nick Carter to be my right bait, but there`s probably a 1 in a 7 billion chance that would ever happen. Swimmy & Puppy Big News Milestone Windows to the Soul Coitus Interruptus Finding Love Here Yes, it39s possible ~Diving into the Mind~
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2/25/2012 9:02 pm |
I think you are very right in your thinking on this one. Since I am single, and I can do WTF I want ... I am leaving ... quietly.
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