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Dammit, Karl!
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Dammit, Karl! I got nothin'. Not even gonna try to be witty with my intro. Just read it... From KarlBloggerfeld Don't fart in my face and tell me it's a thunderstorm When I saw the next Blog Forum topic, NUDISM, I enthusiastically grabbed a cup of coffee, hurried back to my desk, and with my fingers poised over the keyboard, waited for the ideas to flow. That was thirty minutes ago. And I'm still waiting. Fingers poised. Waiting for witty things to say about naked people. So, since nothing witty is coming to mind, you're stuck with this. Dudes like fucking. Always have. And we like to think of ways to accomplish more fucking. Whether it's eating the deadly poisonous liver of the blowfish as an aphrodisiac because it will make your dick "strong like bull" (that is, right before it induces paralysis and death) or it's creating "social" movements and giving them euhpemistic names, the name of the game for men is to insert their penises into as many vaginas as possible. Take nudism, for example. Oh, wait... I'm sorry. I meant naturism, since that's the "proper" term these folks prefer. Naturism isn't really about naked people, according to naturists. It's more like a world view or a movement or perhaps a culture focused on communing with nature, shedding the constraints of modernity, and other new age-y bullshit. Whatever. If I'm going to commune with nature, I'm gonna be wearing shoes and pants. Bug bites and poison ivy are uncomfortable enough on your calf or forearm. They're probably decidely less pleasant on your balls. Far as I'm concerned, all this talk about doing it to shed the constraints of western society or modernity in general is total hypocritical bullshit. It's the very luxury of modern society that allows "naturists" to engage in "naturism." Because without that luxury and the modern niceties, you're just a naked idiot freezing your naked idiot ass off in the woods, being chased by bears and shit with a bad case of poison ivy on your asshole because you used the wrong kind of leaf to wipe yourself. So sorry... don't expect me to believe there isn't an ulterior motive. And hmmm... I wonder what it could be? Let's see. The official version, provided by the XIV Congress of the International Naturist Federation (Agde, France, 1974), says naturism is "a lifestyle in harmony with nature, expressed through social nudity, and characterised by self-respect of people with different opinions and of the environment." Right. Call me a cynic, but I'm betting the XIV Congress was mainly a bunch of guys - because who else but guys would go to all this trouble? - who said to themselves, "How can we convince more chicks to show us their cunts? I know, let's tell them it's all about the environment. Chicks love fuzzy pandas and shit like that." Here's a rule of thumb that I've learned as a lawyer - the more words and concepts you have to use to describe something, the more likely it is you're trying to bullshit me about something. For example, according to hard-core naturists, I'm not clothed right now. I'm operating in a textile environment. Oh yeah? Well, that's not a bear eating your leg. That's simply an example of predatory nutritional supplementation. Gentle Readers, you know me. I'm all about getting more tits in my face and any women who are in the market for getting their pussies face-shined should definitely look me up. But crude as that may sound, at least you always know where you stand with ol' Karl. And if that's right over my face, while you aren't wearing panties, so much the better. I am, however, a big believer in saying what you mean and meaning what you say. If I want to get closer to nature, I don't need to risk getting rashes in funny places. That's what rubbing genitals with total strangers is for. When it comes to sex, I need a STRONG connection. Otherwise, the page just keeps buffering and takes FOREVER to load... |
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GOOD
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It's a good thing I seem to be impervious to all poisonous plat species I've come into contact with so far. I've grabbed handfuls of everything from Poison Ivy to Poison WhatTheFuckIsThisShitCalledAgain without so much as getting a hangnail while clearing brush. Maybe I'll be safe as I romp majestically through the nudist colony, wiping my ass with questionable leafy material (Just like dear old dad). (<---- Anybody who has read my crap knows the stroy.)
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Good one - thanks! Something interesting in my life: A surprise on my naked body this morning Come visit my blog to know what I get up to from time to time: [blog 4jasmine2]
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SAy what you mean and mean what you say has long been a mantra of mine. Last year, I visited a naturalist resort and a nude swingers resort....The only difference I saw was lots more freedom at the swingers resort....and NO CHILDREN!!!
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 oh god...that was so funny and the PERFECT way to start my Friday after an awful, awful day at work. THANK YOU!!! lolI make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn
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G, thanks, babe! And to Karl? Hell, yeah, man!  I can dig it! Great post.  Si Vis Pacem Para Bellum Audentes Fortuna Iuvat Politicians. Lampposts. Assembly Required.
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For clarification, I actually just went back and edited my blog and did the "quote" from the "guy" in a French accent. I think it's the cherry on top. You, as usual, are awesome... and not just because you pimp me out like the cheap Thai whore I actuall am. (Caveat - Don't let my Thai whore comment make you think I have something against the Thai. I love their noodles.) karlbloggerfeld - Dry-humping your legs since 2007.
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