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Therapy
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Therapy Hi everybody! Sorry I've been absent for so long but I just can't believe how time flies. I've been in therapy for about 10 months now and it has been quite interesting. One of the last things my therapist said was "don't expect any therapist or doctor to tell you what your gender identity is, you have to figure it out". Now wait a minute here, then why did I spend 10 months in therapy if no one can tell me what my gender identity is?? Granted, we were able to work through many issues both past and present but the bottom line is you have to figure out the gender part for yourself. Well I do have a better understanding than at any previous time in my life so that is an improvement. I am transgendered. Both male and female. I'm still taking Black Cohosh and Estroven and they do make me feel more feminine and allow me to connect more closely with my feminine side. But, I'm still part male in my brain. TG, stuck in the middle of constant conflict, neither here nor there, every step forward followed by a step back. This is a difficult way to live. Guy friends think your gay and girl friends think your a freak. A nice freak but still a freak. I don't have any local friends that are TS/TG which is a real bummer. I need to remedy this situation ASAP so I can relate to someone and create a connection that relieves the loneliness I feel. It sucks to be TG and not have any local friends to hang with and just talk about feelings and emotions that only another TG can relate to. So here it is, the ultimate friend request. If you live in the eastern half of Maryland and you could use a loyal and caring friend please drop me a note. So now what?? What about my marriage? My wife's biggest complaint is that my dick doesn't work. I can satisfy her in other ways but she still wants the real thing. Candid suggestions to find a stud and let me watch are no help. It's not going to start working again. It's worse for me with the thought of experiencing sex as a woman constantly in the back of my mind. Of course, I don't know if I could actually handle it. I think this is why I fantasize about being mildly forced to experience sex as a woman, again and again and again... My regular doctor said he would refer me to a endocrinologist so I hope I can start a real HRT program soon. It seems like transitioning into a woman is the best option. This way I can get as close to one gender identity as possible in my situation. Definitely not an easy path but what are the alternatives? Wish me luck... I'm going to need lots of luck. With love to all, Angela XOXO |
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Angela, you don't have to limit yourself to the east coast. The groups here are full of folks that would love to be your friend. Some of them may relocate as the friendship grows. Look at what happened to me and my room mates. You watched all that happen, so you do know it really can. As far as your gender identity, I think you already know who you are, but haven't come out to yourself quite yet. Your gender identity is yours and yours alone. No one can tell you what it is. You own it and if anyone tried to impose one on you they only would stand a 50-50 chance of being correct. Admitting to yourself who you are, who you really are, is earthshaking and a big step. Then once you realize that this is really you and you are comfortable with yourself, which is still I think the biggest hurdle you will face, you will be faced with a decision. Where do you go from here, what should you do? Until you come out to yourself, you will continue being "stuck in the middle of constant conflict, neither here nor there, every step forward followed by a step back.". Again no one can tell you what to do. I think you know about all the options available and can weigh the benefits and consequences each action will bring. Go over all this in your mind over and over until you are sure. Love ya, Chrissy
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