I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees. I write award-winning operas. I manage time efficiently.

Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening-wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400.

My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; and when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a toaster oven.

I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

Ideal Wife

The Ideal Wife should be beautiful, but not so beautiful that people think you married her only for her beauty.

And The Ideal Wife should be wealthy, but not so wealthy that people think you married her only for her money.

And The Ideal Wife should be gentle, but not so gentle that she can't suck a golf ball through a fifty-foot garden hose

My Ideal Person: A woman that is warm, desires human touch, enjoys being fondled, and enjoyed to her ultimate pleasure. Life isn't so different from sex, everything you want, you have to go shopping for. If you don't go out to get it yourself , it won't come knocking on your door. Take a chance, be the adventurer and have a memory that will be a pleasant lifetime memory.

What are your favorite musicians or bands?:
Lisa Loeb, Enya, Jewel, Natalie Imbruglia, Wilson
Philips, Fiona Apple, etc .etc.etc....

Tell one of your favorite sexual fantasies. Don't hold back!:
being with someone that enjoys being the center of attention
during foreplay and enjoys herself when foreplay lasts
for an extended pleasureable time. Returning same with an attitude that they enjoy giving as well as enjoying
recieveing.

What types of sexual activities turn you on?:
all the above

Ever fantasized about having sex with a celebrity? Who? What turns you on about them?:
Celebrities are who you get along with, if they laugh at
your jokes and they have a sense of humor too. When you are
with someone who you enjoy their company , their laughter
turns you on and there is no one else that you'd rather
be with at that moment.

Have you ever had cybersex?:
I've tried it, but it's just not the same.

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