I had to clean up my friends list, too much dead wood. If I accidently deleted you and you were thinking of getting serious, let me know. Picture collectors and the timid please move on.

As to not deceive, I'm based in the mid-west. My profile location is normally set to where I'm going next.

This profile has gotten almost unmanageable, but I think it is pretty funny. Others do too. If you are offended by any part, please let me know and I will change it to suit your delicate sensibilities. I was thinking of chopping this novel, but I figure if you can stick it out to the end, you might have the focus required while I fuck you for hours on end. And put on a happy face before you start as a sense of humor is required. And, seriously, if you are not original enough to come up with your own material, go ahead, steal my stuff. But, if you actually meet someone, they will figure out you are a bore right off the bat. Come on, use that little brain of yours!

A few testimonials are at the bottom; they are a nice read. Thanks ladies....and gentlemen... couples of all sorts! I received an email the other day that said I must be fake because “them testimonials sound to good” (Yea, them AND to). Sure, I colluded with numerous people, most of which I have photos with, who are paying members with testimonials of their own from other real members. The freak show level here is humorous. Another one said; I don’t want to read those, I don’t care what someone else has to say. Smart idea. The average person researches and reads a hundred reviews before buying a fucking toaster, isn’t it logical to read the reviews of a potential sex partner? I mean, there are so many lemons out there running on two cylinders and regular unleaded, why not go straight for the high performance model?

I have 144 photos and 11 videos... if you want to take a look based on serious interest in the possibility of actually meeting, send me a network invite. I hope you have some photos too... oooh, and are real.

con-fi-dent /kon-fi-dənt/: sure of oneself; having no uncertainty about one’s own abilities, correctness, successfulness, etc.

cock-y /ˈkɒk-i/: arrogant; pertly self-assertive; conceited.

Above was supplied for those of you who don't understand the difference. There is a common theme in my testimonials, feel free to read and apply the correct definition.

If your profile tone is something like - If you don't like my bad ass attitude, than (misspelled on purpose, to be clarified later) you can go fuck off because I am happy with who I am and what I look like and I doesn't (on purpose, again) need no man telling me blah blah blah!!! Or - Absolutely NO MEN because my boyfriend/husband is waaaay too insecure to watch me screw another dude, but he really doesn't mind fucking other women. Sure, that is fair. What century are we living in? Still protecting your fragile little man? Or my favorite - You have to go out of your way to prove you are worthy of my valuable time. This normally said by some heifer named Delores who I wouldn't want to see dressed in a snowmobile suit, not to mention in the raw. Valuable time = the 37 seconds it takes her to devour a box of thin mints. (Come on, they are thin) Hey fat chicks, don’t be pissed, I’m not the one shoveling gallons of Ben and Jerry’s in your insatiable suck while sinking deeper into your already stressed out couch. The gym can’t be any farther away than the Krispe Kreme you so frequently patron. Besides, if you are a bit on the heavy side but hot, I’d most likely do ya!
Other well thought out comments from the LesbianPersonals peanut gallery: (Uno) "No thanks, it looks like you are too experienced for me." Can you believe that? Honestly, are you really looking for mediocre with a slice of boring, perfectly complimenting his being lost with a woman's anatomy? You can’t be that insecure with yourself that you shoot for the stuff that makes most men shitty in the sack, can you? The most common complaint I hear from women is most men don’t know how to fuck them. True, thank god I’m not a woman as most dudes are gross and only concerned with busting a nut. Hell, if all I wanted was to bust a nut, I could do that on my own. If I get my choice, I go for the Corvette over the Chevette every time. I guess if you are not comfortable outside of the bell curve, click "next profile". And, please, if you can teach me something, I WANT to meet you. (Zwei) “There is no way I’d let you bang my woman, you look too good”. Nice, a guy who is looking out for the best interest of his woman by ensuring she only gets to fuck dudes grosser than him. Can I assume he is only looking for female trolls too? Yea, betcha not! (Trois, yea, like as in Menage) “It’s not the size of the wave…. Yadda yadda yadda”. This normally said by the girlfriend/wife of the dude standing over her shoulder who has a little Johnny and hasn’t figured out there are no “Little Dick” porn sites for a reason. Why? Because people want to see hot chicks fucking big cocks. Don’t be pissed at me, it’s genetics and I’m just performing a service to woman-kind! (четири, for my Bulgarian friends) “You are married? You cheating pig!”. First off, my wife knows of my shenanigans and is turned on by it. She gets her fair share of strange. Second, don’t judge, you don’t even know me. Save that for church. This is a sex site and I’m here to fuck. Simple. (More to come).

And, hey, fat ass dudes, stop stealing my photos and calling them your own. The gal's will figure it out as soon as you take off your shirt and the "athletic" belly pops out! Boiiinnnnngggggggg! I know it isn’t my fellow hot brethren because they look good all on their own, unless they are shitty in the sack and need props! And, damn, do I really need to post the Webster definition of athletic too? The ability to bowl a 240 or withstand 6 minutes of your spin class doesn't automatically classify you as athletic. If you think twice about taking off your shirt/cover-up at the water park, then you are definitely NOT athletic.

OK, sorry, I realize this is getting a bit long winded, but I had to say; I am perplexed by those who say things like "I am not easy" or "I never jump in the sack on the first date". You know the type (unless you are one, then you will be confused by the following). Like sex on day one is a mortal sin, but on the second or third, ahhh, perfectly acceptable? Am I missing the point of this site? Aren't we all just a bunch of horny, naughty adults? If you don't want to fuck, go to a Christian singles website, discuss the righteousness of chaste. Honestly, if you have the “No sex on the first date” rule, you most likely suck at sex anyway and are just trying to milk another free drink night. Or "If you are from out of town, don't contact me ... I'm not a whore!" because the origin of the cock makes a difference how?

And do guys really make plans to meet and not show up? I mean seriously, if you are that big of an inconsiderate chicken shit, maybe you should try therapy. And I must say again, testimonials are the key. They are the LesbianPersonals hall passes to the “real”. Hell, if there is pussy that wants to be fucked, I’m there.

Yea, I am the male half of OKBADCPL. Don't feel bad for her, she gets plenty of cock, naughty fucking slut. I love it! And, if you are a dude thinking of fucking her hotness and you run across this profile, don’t be such a fucking pussy and bail on her. Yea, maybe you don’t have a six pack and giant cock, but that is besides the point. She gets me all of the time, she wants you because you are different. So, fuck her silly, she deserves it and is waaaayyy worth it!

WARNING: Any institutions using this site or any of its associated sites for studies or projects - You do NOT have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications. Or I will just find you and burn your fucking house down. At night. While you are sleeping in it. And Sydney University researchers, I’ll just find you and drown your lame asses next time I hit Bondi!

My Ideal Person: You need to be uninhibited, intelligent, and open minded with a great sense of humor. If you are looking for a hot MFM or FMF, I can help out there too. I am a veritable smorgasbord of sexual delight!!! Or should that be cornucopia? Aah, you get what I mean.

Please don't email me if you are:

1. A dude pretending to be a woman. I am sure I would figure it out if we ever met, as there would be a cock where there should be a pussy. Whoa! That is a big clit!

2. A player. Not in the sense that women describe guys. What I mean is you send an I'm interested email and then suddenly turn cold at the prospect of meeting. Or you accept my network invite but never reply to emails. If you are not actively (or even passively) looking for some naked time, go fuck with someone else and don't forget to pop your Risperdal. Besides, not replying to email is just rude.

****Apparently, some don't read this far... if you did and are planning on getting me all worked up about meeting, and then disappear, please hit the control-alt-delete button you fucking lunatic!

3. Not confident enough to feel good about getting rocked by someone who looks good, is in great shape, knows what they are doing, and can sustain for, well, pretty much as long as you can take it.

4. Insane. Jealous. Bi-polar. Lack a sense of humor. Guilt ridden. Vengeful. Spiteful. Possessive. Have dirty fingernails. Unfamiliar with deodorant. Have never had a pedicure. This is about fun and satisfaction, isn't it?

5. A couple that doesn't get along. There is nothing worse than being the third wheel to a bad situation. If you are the guy, don't be angry because I am in great shape and have a 9" tool that your woman will be cumming to over and over, and want more…. you knew that from the start. Don't worry, I'm not going to steal her, I just want to fuck her... I have my own woman.

6. You are into false advertising. I’m exceedingly proud that you were 36-24-36 12 years ago before spitting out 2 or 3 puppies and going on the Snickers and New York Super Fudge Chunk diet. Many of my photos have a time stamp on them for a reason, because what you will see in person is (I’ve been told better than) what you see in the photos. Come on, be real. ... Aaah shit, can you make that a DIET coke please?), you too can get a monthly membership at your local gym. Or for starters, walk to the end of your driveway to get your mail instead of driving. Think baby-steps!

**Bonus** You don't know the difference between "then" and "than", or "seen" and "saw" for that matter; or you have a pink profile background with pink font letters. Yea, I can read it if I highlight it, but, seriously, is that your litmus for IQ on a site like this? Try the Mensa site if you are looking for Poindexter. Now, Poindexter with a 24CM tool? That is a different story...

I have had a rash of these lately, “How about I come by and suck you off, no strings, just me sucking that big cock of yours.” Thanks guys for admiring my Johnson and wanting to blow me, but if you want to play, you need to have a female tagging along. I’m extremely comfortable around other naked dudes, as long as there is a naked female close at hand.

What I am not:

1. A "bad boy", if you consider bad to be someone that has: A.) Tats. Look, everybody has a tat these days. How about that 130 pound guy with the tribal tat on his massive biceps? Just waiting to grow into it? Or the IT nerd with the spiderweb on the elbow? I always ask him where he did time. The normal look is one of confusion. IT guys, please don't take offense, we all NEED you to keep Passion up and running!!! B.) Ride a Harley. I love (M)otorcycles, but I also love (E)xcess speed, (U)nnecessary horsepower, and life. 1(M)+2(E)+3(U)=(D)eath. My personal theory of Relativity (M+E+U=D) Besides, how many RUB's have you come across that play the biker dude? As with tats, any douche can buy a bike, that doesn’t automatically make them unique.

***UPDATE: I may have inadvertently offended some with the above. Look, I think tattoos look awesome on the right person. So does a muscle shirt, suit and tie, or a purple velvet hat with a feather... but, because I wear a purple velvet hat with a feather doesn't mean I'm a pimp. And the bikers? I only wish I could have my Ninja back, but I'm hell on wheels, so it had to go before it did me in.

2. Hairy. I am a bit of a freak when it comes to hair. I keep myself well groomed ... not like Nazi Metro or anything, but there will be no armpit hair busting out of my T. As for the boys, yea, they are nice and clean. If you wanted floss, go to CVS!

3. Pushy. I have to view most profiles here as BS as, unfortunately, most are. So, if I write, then you write, then I write ... and nothing ... I will most likely not pursue as chasing is a waste of time. So, if you are real, and want to have a real and amazing experience, just write back. Make an attempt at an actual plan to meet.

OK, I might have cracked code. It would appear testimonials are the key... and not those ridiculous ones that say contact me so I can add your dumb ass to my spam bot, or, wow, you are hot and I hope we can meet some day, blah blah blah. Or my favorite, You are so beautiful and sexy, lets meet. Yea, wow, that’s helpful! Real descriptions of actual people meeting. And fucking. Hope you have a real testimonial, if not ... let’s meet so I can write you one!

What are your favorite musicians or bands?:
Tool, Theory of a Deadman, SOAD

What types of sexual activities turn you on?:
Giving Oral Sex, Receiving Oral Sex, Toys (Vibrators/Dildos/etc.), Rimming, Light Bondage, Threesomes, Mutual Masturbation, Making Home "Movies", Participating in Erotic Photography, Massage

What factors are most important to you when looking for a sexual partner?:
Physical attraction, Ability to be discreet, Willingness to freely discuss and try anything, Creativity/Kinkiness level

Ever fantasized about having sex with a celebrity? Who? What turns you on about them?:
I've never shagged an actual porn star, that would
be cool. Maybe some hot actress who is used to banging her
lame ass narcistic chubby actor boyfriend, but I wouldn't let her fuck me twice.
Well, except for Kate Beckinsale, she's so cute!!!
I'd share though....

Have you ever had cybersex?:
I've tried it, but it's just not the same.

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