It's November 28, 2009. Jumping Jeebus where do the time go? I can give myself a hint. I upgrade the account, get into a weentsy accident, and spend all my time on little pills from the good Doctor. I am strange enough on a good day. Stoned? I'm too damn weird... even for me (and I know, 'cause I live with me all the time) so I have kept to myself.

Hey, I'm gonna kvetch. Y'all don't mind I hope.I notice that I occaisionally get flirts from... OMFG, Russia, Nairobi, places like that. I also get flirts locally, but when I check to see who's been reading my profile... no match. I suspect that LesbianPersonals will, on occaision, make a random flirt for ya. Ever get that feeling? Ever respond to a flirt with an e-mail and get a polite "who the dickens are you"? Weird. Really weird. Enough ta make ya a little paranoid. Well, okay, not you. Just me.

Old Stuff:

Profiles. Hah! How many people actually post their profiles? No, it's a full frontal or perhaps a three-quarter face shot, but never a profile photo. Hey, guilty as charged. Mine is three quarter too, is it not?!

THAT BEING SAID: Just who in the three-ring-circus am I?

I'm a Clown. Just admitting it makes it true. You know what I mean, I am certain.

There is your typical "life of the party" clown.
You have your professional Circus Clown.
There's Clowns that do tricks at birthday parties.
There's even Clowns on TV.
Ooh! Clowns in the government, don't forget them.
But then, by Emmett Kelley's Red Rubber Nose, you got me.

Oh yes. Indeedy-do.

WARNING! CLOWN PHILOSOPHY FOLLOWS:

Sex. Sex is a performance art. Ever thrown baseballs at plates on a carnival midway? Sex is like that. You don't walk up to the line and dump your balls all over the place, NO! You'll never get anywhere like that. Take your time. Feel your balls in your hands. Become one with your balls. Use your balls with care and precision. Become accustomed to the feel, the texture, the weighty solidity of your balls. Heft one on your hand... slowly back, and let fly! CRASH!!!
Shattering orgasms, shattering plates. All the same. All the same.
And the reward? I don't want the plastic yo-yo on the bottom shelf. I don't want the funny hat on the middle shelf (though it sure is TEMPTING). I don't even want the big, stuffed animal on the very top shelf, no. Not me.
I just want to hear "Daaamn, you're good. Let's see you do that AGAIN"!

Okay, so much for that.

So are you worried I'll drive up in a garishly painted tiny little clown car with an Ooh-Gah horn?
Well, truth be known (and I'll deny all of this, given a chance), I drive a little car, but it just sort of blends in.
I'm an ordinary sort, most of the time. But damn, sometimes you just gotta unchain the id and let it out of the crate.

Oh, a note on the id. Sigmund Freud says "It is the dark, inaccessible part of our personality . . . we call it a chaos, a cauldron full of seething excitations. . . It is filled with energy reaching it from the instincts . . . a striving to bring about the satisfaction of the instinctual needs subject to the observance of the pleasure principle."

[Freud, New Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis (1933)]

Just re-read all that (just checking, still the 28th of November, 2009). Hey, it makes sense to me, even on roxicet. So I'll let it stand. BTW, for what it's worth: Freud, coke-head that he was, had his head together. Nietzsche, however highly regarded, just doesn't do it for me.

My Ideal Person: My ideal person: Oh, have a sense of humor. Be kind. Be mellow. Be comfortable in your skin, more or less.

OLD STUFF (that I still find amusing):

Hey, did you know that midgets are in short supply around here? This is totally bumming me out.
Such is life.
So here's the thing. When I get the whole green-screen thing figured out, I wanna do a short video to post here on LesbianPersonals. In lieu of midgets, I think pies have become nessessessessary (as opposed to merely fun). What do YOU think. Do I go to far? Not far enough? Wanna play a part?

EVEN OLDER STUFF (but still oh so true):

You like clowns. You want an alter ego. You are interested in the strangeness of life and sex for the sheer hell of it all.

You like sex.
You like pies.
You like balloons.
All of the above at once? Maybe you like. Maybe you don't. Maybe you try. Maybe I just tie you down, rub you all over with spam, and release the licky horde of chihuahuas.

Tell one of your favorite sexual fantasies. Don't hold back!:
At the moment I think I would enjoy filming some clown porn.
Sounds odd? Ah, but everyone is a bit of an exhibitionist;
but are we not also a tad shy? The make up obscures the outer
self, reveals the inner self, and frees you to do any damn
thing your id demands.

What location do you fantasize about for a sexual encounter?:
A bed, A dark back alley, A movie theatre, A remote wilderness spot, My desk at work, A swimming pool or hot tub, An elevator, A hotel room, Underwater

What types of sexual activities turn you on?:
Giving Oral Sex, Receiving Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Sadomasochism, Toys (Vibrators/Dildos/etc.), Urolagnia (Water Sports/Urine), Rimming, Fetishes, Light Bondage, Candle Wax, Spanking, Role Playing, Threesomes, Slave/Master, Cross Dressing, Mutual Masturbation, Food Play, Voyeurism, Latex, Fisting, Massage

Ever fantasized about having sex with a celebrity? Who? What turns you on about them?:
I once had an intense fantasy about me and Reverend Al Sharpton.
Without going into too much detail, let me just say that
it was a horrifyingly traumatic experience which has left
me with deep emotional scars and a tendency to giggle at
inappropriate moments.

Just kidding.

Seriously? At the moment I would think Bridget Powers.
Why? Well, the whole clown thing is ripping the lid off my
id, and midgets and clowns... it just seems so right and
so wrong at the same time. Besides, she's damn cute,
no?

Have you ever had cybersex?:
I've tried it, but it's just not the same.

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